update

So, I had my first official appointment at the Cross Cancer Institute today.  How nervous was I? Extremely. However, the appointment went better than I thought it would.  The doctor (who is a radio oncologist) told me that there are a lot of unknowns right now. I have a CT scan booked for February 22nd and that will tell us much more about what is going on. Because I don't have a lot of pain in the rib area (it comes and goes and really is never that bad), she will wait on doing any radiation at this point.  One very important piece of news is that my abdominal ultrasound came back clear! I instantly relaxed after I heard that! (As did my husband).  She also said that the 'spot' on my skull vault could be something other than a spread of the cancer. She said a lot of 'weird' things tend to show up on these bone scans. If they decide after the CT scan that I need to have those two spots biopsied, then we can go from there. IF cancer is found, they could just prescribe a pill called Letrozole.  Letrozole decreases the amount of estrogen the body makes and helps to slow or reverse the growth of breast cancer. One very good thing she told me is that women have lived for many years while on this drug. 

So, I am very happy about the ultrasound and very relieved that this appointment is done. I feel a lot better about everything. I am going to be 'cautiously optimistic' at this point. I won't really know anything concrete until sometime around February 24-27th...after the scan and once my doctor has looked at the results.

Again, I can't say enough about all the support I have had from my wonderful family and friends. It's been the toughest month I have ever been through and I thank them all for their love. So, onward to the next appointment on the 22nd and I guess we will see what we will see. 

Onward

So, I finally heard back from the hospital and I have an appointment Monday, February 13th at 8:30 a.m. VERY glad that the waiting for that phone call is over with. It has been a tough week. But, I have been keeping myself busy with reading and meditating and painting my paper mache bowls. It does help to pass the time. I am nervous about Monday but I am also going to be glad to get going on 'something' and not feel like I am hanging by my fingernails onto a cliff.

Speaking of bowls, I will put up a couple of pictures to show. The bowl that has the flower is a Christmas gift for my mom. I would often buy her a poinsettia for Christmas and so this bowl depicts that. My mom is, unfortunately, suffering from dementia and is in a nursing home. She is still pretty feisty, though, even at the age of 89!

The second bowl is more abstract and was a Christmas gift for my mother-in-law. She lives in Toronto and so we don't get too see her very often. But, all of her children got together and bought her an I-Pad for Christmas so that she can communicate with us via e-mail. It's great and she is definitely getting the hang of it. She and I can now correspond that way and I can keep her up to date on anything that is happening.

So, I guess the next addition to this blog will be Monday after my appointment.

Not really 'on top', but I do have a 'tip'

I can't deny I am having a tough morning. Waiting for 'that phone call' that will propel me into an appointment busy life is really difficult. I am happy to have had a very nice weekend away visiting family, but having to come home to reality was a bummer. Not knowing the details of what you are going to be dealing with in the next few months is extremely difficult.

I am convinced that there is power in knowledge. Reading books on the subject has helped a great deal. One book I bought is called  "Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips" by Kris Carr (Morris Publishing Group, 2007).  An excellent book by someone who has 'been there'. (She also made a film of the same name and I actually did watch it a few years ago.) Anyway, I hope it will be ok with her if I do a bit of quoting. Being in the same club, I am sure she won't mind.

Tip:   Remove these words from your daily speech.....'maybe, sure, I don't know and you decide'

"Before cancer I was kinda voiceless about a lot of important things in my life. My common response to questions or decisions was, "Whatever you want is fine with me." Now I can get pretty mouthy 'cause I am no longer afraid to say what I want and ask for what I need. And guess what? It's okay to put yourself first. Everyone else takes care of number one, so why can't you? It's not selfish! Cancer isn't killing me, it's just forcing me to grow up."

 

Oh, I can totally relate! Spent my whole life doing that, pretty much. Don't rock the boat, don't make waves, and just be so very agreeable. I will admit that I have made waves occasionally, but those instances worked out so badly that I swore to myself I would not do that again. But, why not? Am I not allowed to have an opinion? Being the youngest of four in a family can do some damage, I am afraid. Being the 'cute one' was not a good thing, in many respects. Having my own children was a huge blessing and helped me to see that I could be a strong human being that has to deal with real life issues. Meeting my husband Paul was the best thing that ever happened to me. Having our daughters was right up there beside the best thing. 

Having incredible support from family and friends at this time in my life is beyond wonderful. I really don't think I could cope without it.

Well, I actually feel better now. Maybe that phone call will come soon and I can then concentrate on kicking this crappy C word to the curb!

A wonderful quote I found

“Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So, love people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don’t, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it’d be easy, they just promised it’d be worth it.” — Unknown

First Step

February the 1st was the first time I had been back to the Cross Cancer Institute here in Edmonton in about two years. I have been there many times, so it definitely wasn't foreign to me. I can't say often enough how wonderful the people there are. So very kind, patient and always ready with a smile and a laugh. My first appointment was an abdominal ultrasound. The technician was so very nice and I almost felt like she was an old friend. (I have always thought you have to be an extra special person to work in a cancer hospital.) It took about half an hour and that was it. On to the waiting room where Paul was and then time to leave. I will be waiting now for the Cross to call me back for another appointment. 

As I am writing what is happening with me during this time, I am also going to be posting pictures of my latest artistic endeavors. Lately I have been into paper mache and really loving it. It lets me sculpt, build and paint. Everyone who has been through a cancer journey knows that being creative in some way brings a sense of peace and joy. I believe that it has everything to do with being able to forget your troubles for a while and just concentrate on the task at hand.  I am going to be working on my bowls and maybe more figures in the months ahead. 

The first picture is of a scary monster I made for my son in law for Christmas. I would like to think of "Pog" as my cancer fighting partner. He really could kick it to the curb, I think!  The second picture is of a bowl I made for my daughter Jacquelyn. It is of a ideal winter day of children sledding and enjoying the snow. 

More posts later!