"Healing" is such a lovely word!

Since I last wrote in this blog it has been a time full of ups and downs. I guess when you have a cancer diagnosis this is to be expected.

Paul and I went to Paris in June for our 33rd wedding anniversary and we had a fantastic holiday! It's somewhere I have always wanted to go so we decided that now was the time. You just never know how long you have on this earth so it's best to do these types of things when you have the opportunity. We saw the beautiful city and all it's touristy sights and of course indulged in the food and the wine! It was my first trip to any part of Europe and my first very long air flight! It was quite the experience!

We came home about 10 days later and what should I have to come home to? Mail and phone calls telling me that I now have appointments I wasn't expecting and I was supposed to go back and see the oncologist who was in charge of my chemotherapy the last time I went through this.  To say I was a bit upset is an understatement. WHY?? That was the question on my mind. I didn't mind seeing my oncologist again as he is a wonderful doctor, but anytime they call you in when you weren't expecting it is nerve wracking.   I had yet another CT scan and blood work. I also had the appointment with the oncologist. Since I had a bone scan at the end of May he had those results and he also had the results from the CT scan.  He said that there was no sign of the cancer affecting any areas other than the bone which is the "best prognosis possible". He thought the bone scan in late May might have detected a flare response present in the bone that is rebuilding and wanted to confirm this with another bone scan. If the areas that were affected (the 6th left rib and the skull vault) show reduction in size then that would confirm that the medication I am on is working. It would also confirm what I have been feeling...less area specific pain.

So, I went to have another bone scan one week ago. For the scan, a radioactive substance is injected into your vein, which for me is in my hand. (The veins in my arms are no longer visible due to the chemo-therapy I had 8 years ago.) It's called a tracer and it travels through your bloodstream and then into your bones. It's a long time at the hospital as you have to wait a full two hours between the injection and the scan. It was easier to go through it this time as I was trying my hardest to be very positive throughout the scan. I knew, though, that I would have to wait about a week before I heard any news.

Well, today my doctor called with good news! He says that the bone scans are looking very good and that I am healing and I should just continue with the Letrozole. I will see him in another three months for more scans and appointments. 

For the next three months I will be: loving each new day, snuggling up on the couch with Martini in the mornings while I have my morning coffee, giving my hubby the biggest hugs I can give him, trying to spend as much time as I can with our girls and making sure they know how much I love them, painting anything that I want to paint, having lunches with my good friends, visiting my mom (but now with a much lighter heart) and visiting with family. I will also continue to work hard on myself with my reading, meditating, writing in my journal, etc. I will also be eating foods that are very healthy for me and of course, occasionally eating things that aren't. ;-)

I am going to list some of the books that I have been reading and that have changed my life forever. They are:  Real Happiness - the power of meditation by Sharon Salzberg****Excuses Begone, Wishes Fulfilled and Change your Thoughts, Change Your Life, all by Wayne W. Dyer**** Super Immunity by Joel Fuhrman, M.D.**** The Definitive Guild to Cancer by Alschuler/Gazella****Defy Gravity by Caroline Myss**** Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips by Kris Carr**** You Can Heal Your LIfe by Louise Hay. I read a variety of these each and every morning and I just can't tell you how much these books have helped me.

So, I think I will include a few pictures here of our trip to Paris.

From top to bottom they are: me at the restaurant we went to for our anniversary, Moulin Rouge, Eiffel Tower, a street in the Montmartre district where our hotel was, me with a real Picasso at the George Pompideau Centre, Paul with the bottle of wine we enjoyed with our anniversary meal, Paul with "Silver Man", the Louvre, our hotel.

Such a busy time for Paul and I. I am very glad that I can now just continue on with what I have been doing and enjoy my summer! :)

Juicing it

Today I am going to write down my own little recipe that is my morning green drink. I make this drink when I have all the ingredients and when I actually remember to do it! Oh, and this is probably obvious, but you need a juicer to make this.

Donna's Greens Drink

Use as many or as little of the following vegetables and fruit as you wish. I usually just use a handful of each.

Broccoli (half a head - cut up)

Carrots (as many or as little as you want)

Celery (3 stalks)

Cucumber (1 full)

Collard greens (3 leaves - cut up)

Kale (3 leaves cut up)

Spinach - (large handful)

Parsley - (large handful)

Ginger - (fresh, 1" or so, cut off skin)

Apple

Lemon juice 

I make sure all my ingredients are organic. I mix the more watery fruit or vegetables with the ones that aren't very watery. For example, I put some celery along with the kale when pressing it into the chute. Add more fruit if you want. This is just what I have found I like. I really enjoy it!

 

 

 

A call from the Cross :)

Since I have had good news, I won't get too upset at the doctor for making me wait over a week for the 'call'. It certainly has been a difficult time.

So, what she said is that there were no new findings from the CT scan in regards to the cancer spreading anywhere. Not in the brain, the liver or lungs. She said if I wanted to have a biopsy,  that would confirm that the mass on the rib was from the breast cancer, instead of it being from the endometrial cancer or maybe a new cancer. But, since it isn't really necessary, we both decided that I could just go on the drug letrozole instead. Along with this drug I will also be put on a 'bone builder' that will keep my bones from being destroyed. I will go and get these drugs from the hospital on Monday. :-) 

I am very glad all this waiting for phone calls is over with, now. I just knew that March would be a much better month than January or February!! It had to...it couldn't get worse than what I have just experienced!

Maybe now I can get on with regular day to day life and just work on myself, physically, mentally, artistically and spiritually.  These things I will be talking about in the blog entries to come.

Thanks for all the hugs and well wishes!

Waiting isn't fun, but putting up pictures is!

So, I have no news to report. I had my CT scan last Wednesday and I haven't heard anything from my doctor as yet. Being in limbo is so not fun. However, putting up a few pictures is fun, so to take my mind off of what isn't happening, I will do that now. The first picture is an art assignment I did for a drawing class at the University of Alberta extension. We were supposed to compose, using perspective, a futuristic city. I don't actually know where this picture is now! I think the U of A still has it somewhere. It was hung up in their gallery for quite a while. Maybe I should check that out sometime!

This picture is an abstract piece I did for an abstract painting class. I call it "The Perfect Man". lol 

It is painted with acrylics on canvas.

This is a picture of me with some of my paintings at a cafe in town. They take artists' work and hang it for a month so that you can get that much desired exposure!

I did fridge magnets for a while. This is one of my favourite ones.

I did this painting a few years ago for my mom for her 80th birthday. It's of my dad and our oldest daughter, Jacquelyn, when she was a little over a year old. My dad passed away in 2002.

My kitty Martini, who is a constant support with lots of purry hugs and kisses. 

 Here are our two beautiful daughters, Jacquelyn and Danielle. They have given me unending support throughout this ordeal.  This picture was taken during Jacquelyn's wedding day. It took place in Esquimalt, B.C. on a  beautiful June day almost two years ago.

Extremely Good and Incredibly Yummy

This is me being so very proud of myself for making such an incredibly yummy dinner. This meal, and I will post a link to it, is all vegetarian. It is called "Make-ahead Vegetarian Moroccan Stew". Oh my goodness! The flavours were so amazing! Spices like cinnamon, cumin, ginger and cloves! I can't say enough about how wonderful this meal was! So perfect for a chilly winter day! 

Rather enjoying this new way of eating. I am also having, in the morning, a 'green' drink in which I grab all my extremely nutritious vegetables from the fridge and get all those great vitamins and minerals into a glass with my juicer. Vegetables like kale, spinach, cucumbers, celery and carrots. Today I am going to try collard greens, which is another vegetable which is high on the best of the best list.

So, today is family day and the husband and I are going for a walk in the river valley. Probably will take some pictures and just try to live in the moment and enjoy every second. I have my CT scan on Wednesday but trying not to worry too much about that. There isn't anything I can do about the outcome, anyway. All I can do is what I am doing, so I do take some comfort in knowing that I am doing everything I can.

Here is the link for the stew: 
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/make-ahead-vegetarian-moroccan-stew/detail.aspx

Paying attention

Today is 'chore day'.  Not one of my favourite days of the week. I would much rather be drawing, painting, reading or writing in this blog! Oh wait, I am! lol  Part of my chores, though, will be one that I think I will enjoy. I will be cleaning out food cupboards and totally reorganizing what I have in there. OUT goes the white sugar and flour, and IN comes the healthy food choices. Not that we have ever been people who ate badly, but really cleaning up our food environment makes it so much easier to stick with the excellent nutrition that I want to be part of my daily life. I bought kale for the first time in my life yesterday! I recently purchased a book called "Super Immunity" by Joel Fuhrman, M.D.,  who says that kale, (along with collard greens, watercress, brussel sprouts, bok choy, spinach and many others),  is among his top 30 super foods that are part of a healthy diet that helps to protect you against diseases.  I have a great cookbook that my hubby bought me and there are so many great recipes that I want to try. The book is called "Moosewood Restaurant New Classics" and is a vegetarian cookbook. Today I am going to go through it and decide what recipes I will try out this week. 

Of course, all this organization and planning takes a lot of time and effort. Changing my day to day activities has taken off to a different direction as well. One big difference is going on a daily walk. Since our weather here has been great lately, (so unlike a typical Alberta winter), walking in the sunshine is good for the heart and the soul and your mood. Making small and large changes in my life is helping me to cope with all the uncertainty I am feeling at this point.  Like that great quote by Anthony Robbins, "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." Changing something about yourself is difficult to do, but if you are faced with any kind of a negative issue in your life, I think it's best to look at where you could improve. 

So, I was thinking about something that happened to me more than once and now I am realizing that my body was saying to me..."Pay attention"!  Back in 2004 just before I found out about the breast cancer, I had a very big panic attack. It was extremely scary and I just couldn't understand why it has just seemingly come 'out of the blue' like that. I was actually driving at the time, as well. Talk about an intense experience! I was extremely lucky to get home safely! So, that happened one month before I found out about the cancer. Then, just recently, I had another panic attack. It was about a month before I found out that I had a mass on my rib. I am thinking now...that this is NO coincidence. Panic attacks, I think, are a way for the body to tell you that something is going on that shouldn't be. For them to just 'happen' is amazing to me. First time I was driving, second time I was sitting on my bed reading a book. 

Anyway, this is just a thought and I have absolutely no medical proof of any kind to back up my statement. But then again, it is my blog. lol

I am going to put up some pictures I took when we were in Victoria, B.C. while visiting good friends of ours last year.  These pictures we taken at Butchart's Gardens.

Valentine's Day

It's February the 14th, or...the day after I found out that my abdominal ultrasound was clear!  Okay, yes, it is also Valentine's day. This day every year of my marriage to Paul has been one of dinners out, or flowers or cards and candy. This year, it's all about the fact that I figure I have a pretty good chance of being here for next Valentine's day. Funny how your perspective changes. Just put a bit of fear into you and wham! Nothing is the same again. 

The first time I went through this journey (in 2004), I just figured it was a bump in my road. I would get through the surgeries, the chemotherapy and the radiation and then just get on with my life. It was that way, but I also came out of that experience not as in tune with my body as I should have been. In my opinion, anyway. Maybe I should have totally given up the wine. Maybe I should have been an extremely picky with what I ate.  But, I didn't. I am trying to forgive myself for not being perfect. But, who is, right? No one IS perfect. Trying to be perfect in every way possible is IM-possible. You almost feel like you must have done something somewhere along the line that put a big X on you. "Yup, there she is! The one who crossed the street because she didn't want to bump into that person she no longer wants to talk to...tag her! Her turn for cancer is coming up here!" Yes, these are the things you think about. As silly and weird as that may sound. 

I am now trying  to 'let go' and not control everything in my life. Not that I was a huge control freak...maybe just a little bit. One wonderful thing I have discovered is meditation. Lying on the floor, listening to a guided meditation is so very relaxing and puts you 'in the moment'. No worrying about next weeks CT scan, no trying to figure out what to make for dinner tonight, just being in the moment and being silent. Breathing deep and breathing normally. Just letting it all go. Such a revelation to me! 

I am also reading wonderful books. So many that I have discovered that are truly helping me deal with the fear and uncertainty that has been my life lately. I especially love the books by Caroline Myss who  is "a five-time New York Times bestselling author and internationally renowned speaker in the fields of human consciousness, spirituality and mysticism, health, energy medicine, and the science of medical intuition".   Now, this isn't going to be for everybody, and that's fine. It is something I am very much drawn to, and I make no apologies at all for that. (Funny how a little bit or a big bit of a cancer scare can help you to not care what people think!).  I love her books so much that I race through them. This is highly unusual for me, as I normally read a book at a snail's pace! So, my mornings are spent meditating and reading and devouring information on cancer, healing, and cookbooks! lol Did I mention I am seriously considering vegetarianism?? It's funny because there are certain things I love so much, but they are not on a vegetarian diet. Seafood, turkey and lamb being just three of them. Well, I might be able to give them up...we will see. Doing all of these things have everything to do with feeling like at least I am doing something to help myself. Whether they are or not is really not the issue. If I feel like they are helping, that is all that matters.

I saw a You tube video one day of a gal who was talking about how she cured her cancer. I really didn't listen to the whole thing, but one thing she did say is "I don't care what anyone says to me about this, it worked for me". I am taking that attitude now as well. If it works for you...all the more power to you. 

So, my real point in writing today as kind of gotten away on me. It was to celebrate the love my husband and I have shared over the last (almost) 35 years. We fell in love only a couple of months after we met and we have never wanted anyone else. He truly is a wonderful husband.

update

So, I had my first official appointment at the Cross Cancer Institute today.  How nervous was I? Extremely. However, the appointment went better than I thought it would.  The doctor (who is a radio oncologist) told me that there are a lot of unknowns right now. I have a CT scan booked for February 22nd and that will tell us much more about what is going on. Because I don't have a lot of pain in the rib area (it comes and goes and really is never that bad), she will wait on doing any radiation at this point.  One very important piece of news is that my abdominal ultrasound came back clear! I instantly relaxed after I heard that! (As did my husband).  She also said that the 'spot' on my skull vault could be something other than a spread of the cancer. She said a lot of 'weird' things tend to show up on these bone scans. If they decide after the CT scan that I need to have those two spots biopsied, then we can go from there. IF cancer is found, they could just prescribe a pill called Letrozole.  Letrozole decreases the amount of estrogen the body makes and helps to slow or reverse the growth of breast cancer. One very good thing she told me is that women have lived for many years while on this drug. 

So, I am very happy about the ultrasound and very relieved that this appointment is done. I feel a lot better about everything. I am going to be 'cautiously optimistic' at this point. I won't really know anything concrete until sometime around February 24-27th...after the scan and once my doctor has looked at the results.

Again, I can't say enough about all the support I have had from my wonderful family and friends. It's been the toughest month I have ever been through and I thank them all for their love. So, onward to the next appointment on the 22nd and I guess we will see what we will see. 

Onward

So, I finally heard back from the hospital and I have an appointment Monday, February 13th at 8:30 a.m. VERY glad that the waiting for that phone call is over with. It has been a tough week. But, I have been keeping myself busy with reading and meditating and painting my paper mache bowls. It does help to pass the time. I am nervous about Monday but I am also going to be glad to get going on 'something' and not feel like I am hanging by my fingernails onto a cliff.

Speaking of bowls, I will put up a couple of pictures to show. The bowl that has the flower is a Christmas gift for my mom. I would often buy her a poinsettia for Christmas and so this bowl depicts that. My mom is, unfortunately, suffering from dementia and is in a nursing home. She is still pretty feisty, though, even at the age of 89!

The second bowl is more abstract and was a Christmas gift for my mother-in-law. She lives in Toronto and so we don't get too see her very often. But, all of her children got together and bought her an I-Pad for Christmas so that she can communicate with us via e-mail. It's great and she is definitely getting the hang of it. She and I can now correspond that way and I can keep her up to date on anything that is happening.

So, I guess the next addition to this blog will be Monday after my appointment.

Not really 'on top', but I do have a 'tip'

I can't deny I am having a tough morning. Waiting for 'that phone call' that will propel me into an appointment busy life is really difficult. I am happy to have had a very nice weekend away visiting family, but having to come home to reality was a bummer. Not knowing the details of what you are going to be dealing with in the next few months is extremely difficult.

I am convinced that there is power in knowledge. Reading books on the subject has helped a great deal. One book I bought is called  "Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips" by Kris Carr (Morris Publishing Group, 2007).  An excellent book by someone who has 'been there'. (She also made a film of the same name and I actually did watch it a few years ago.) Anyway, I hope it will be ok with her if I do a bit of quoting. Being in the same club, I am sure she won't mind.

Tip:   Remove these words from your daily speech.....'maybe, sure, I don't know and you decide'

"Before cancer I was kinda voiceless about a lot of important things in my life. My common response to questions or decisions was, "Whatever you want is fine with me." Now I can get pretty mouthy 'cause I am no longer afraid to say what I want and ask for what I need. And guess what? It's okay to put yourself first. Everyone else takes care of number one, so why can't you? It's not selfish! Cancer isn't killing me, it's just forcing me to grow up."

 

Oh, I can totally relate! Spent my whole life doing that, pretty much. Don't rock the boat, don't make waves, and just be so very agreeable. I will admit that I have made waves occasionally, but those instances worked out so badly that I swore to myself I would not do that again. But, why not? Am I not allowed to have an opinion? Being the youngest of four in a family can do some damage, I am afraid. Being the 'cute one' was not a good thing, in many respects. Having my own children was a huge blessing and helped me to see that I could be a strong human being that has to deal with real life issues. Meeting my husband Paul was the best thing that ever happened to me. Having our daughters was right up there beside the best thing. 

Having incredible support from family and friends at this time in my life is beyond wonderful. I really don't think I could cope without it.

Well, I actually feel better now. Maybe that phone call will come soon and I can then concentrate on kicking this crappy C word to the curb!

A wonderful quote I found

“Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So, love people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don’t, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it’d be easy, they just promised it’d be worth it.” — Unknown

First Step

February the 1st was the first time I had been back to the Cross Cancer Institute here in Edmonton in about two years. I have been there many times, so it definitely wasn't foreign to me. I can't say often enough how wonderful the people there are. So very kind, patient and always ready with a smile and a laugh. My first appointment was an abdominal ultrasound. The technician was so very nice and I almost felt like she was an old friend. (I have always thought you have to be an extra special person to work in a cancer hospital.) It took about half an hour and that was it. On to the waiting room where Paul was and then time to leave. I will be waiting now for the Cross to call me back for another appointment. 

As I am writing what is happening with me during this time, I am also going to be posting pictures of my latest artistic endeavors. Lately I have been into paper mache and really loving it. It lets me sculpt, build and paint. Everyone who has been through a cancer journey knows that being creative in some way brings a sense of peace and joy. I believe that it has everything to do with being able to forget your troubles for a while and just concentrate on the task at hand.  I am going to be working on my bowls and maybe more figures in the months ahead. 

The first picture is of a scary monster I made for my son in law for Christmas. I would like to think of "Pog" as my cancer fighting partner. He really could kick it to the curb, I think!  The second picture is of a bowl I made for my daughter Jacquelyn. It is of a ideal winter day of children sledding and enjoying the snow. 

More posts later!